So I haven't posted in a looooong time. I know. Alot of crap going on right now. One reason I haven't been on is that I've recently tried making money reading email and clicking ads. I joined a few sites that promised very high payouts and each email worth $10, $50, even $100. I had no idea that they were scams until somebody told me when I was promoting one of the sites. I felt ripped off that I won't get anything after all those emails I read and ads I clicked. I want to help you. If you are a member of any high paying PTR site, more than likely it's a scam and they will not pay even if you reached the payout and email them over and over about it. You'll just get no response. So check this list here. It's constantly updated as more scams appear. As for the honest PTR sites, there are some good ones that really do pay but it's usually very low, maybe $1 - $5. If you have alot of free time I say go for it if you want some extra cash but it's nowhere near worth putting in the time if you ask me.
I wrote the following short story on my days off from school last week when I got suspended. The two people in this story are real people that are in my life but I changed the names. One is me. The other, well you can pretty much tell if it's you. I left little hints. Well enjoy my tale and I hope it makes you think.
Nothing This Good Is Meant To Last
The snow fell gently on the roof of the cabin. Mike Davis stepped outside, all wrapped up in a heavy jacket and a knit hood. Underneath he wore a sweater and jean pants but still felt the chill of the Washington winter. Breathing in short gasps. The warm air looked like smoke as it left his mouth. It was amusing to him, like smoking without the harmful poisons of a cigarette. Mike was a successful Software Programmer. He had moved to this cabin outside of Chelan with his fiancé Emily Vaughn. This was their dream coming true: Getting married under the winter sun and starting a new life. That’s what they both wanted. The cold air had bitten Mikes nose, numbing it. Fresh snow flakes fell on his face, staying there before being blown off by a gust of wind. Staring into the wilderness of the surrounding trees. The smell of pine was fresh. This was the reason I had wanted to live in the woods. It was the snow, the trees, and the fireplace: memories I could now live again from my childhood. I had forgotten why I came out here for. Ah! Yes, the firewood. Emily did mention that the fireplace was burning out. Quickly grabbing a couple of logs from the side of the cabin, which I had cut in the summer, I returned inside. Emily was sitting on the floor near the fireplace, trying to keep warm. I brushed the snow off my jacket and hanged it up. “How cold is it out there?” “About twenty. The radio said it’s supposed to hit the negatives tonight.” “Great,” I said with a hint of sarcasm, “I need to get more blankets.” Emily was the only girl I ever loved. Perhaps that’s why I’m so protective of her. It’s in my best interest to. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I’d probably end up in a mental hospital, locked up for the rest of my life. For that reason I will do anything to keep her. Wouldn’t anybody else do the same? Maybe I’m just a lunatic. For whatever reason, I love her. Nobody can change that. Night came and we sat at the table having a glass of wine. Emily always liked alcohol. She took the bottle and drank straight from it like some heavy drinker! I was always concerned about her. I can only imagine the long-term damage she could be doing to her liver and kidneys. Her sobriety slowly disappeared as the night went on. 2:56. The bottle lay on the floor, broken; shattered in a thousand pieces. Very little wine was left anyway. We laid on the floor, head-to-head. Our backs were on the cold wood of the cabin floor. We didn’t care. We talked the night way. Just about silly things. Half of it made no sense but we laughed and had fun anyway. Emily crawled over and rested her arm over my chest, kissing me and then laying her head on my shoulder. “I can’t remember the last time we did something like this,” Laughing hysterically, “Can you?” “Nope,” I replied, “Like you remember many things to begin with!” “Hey! I can too remember some things,” Pausing to think. The smirk that lit her face up was one of the things that I loved about her. It gave her a sense of mystery. Perplexing. Like a scarlet woman keeping her secrets from me. That’s in fact what she was. There’s so many things I don’t know about her. Some things I don’t think I want to know. Maybe she would tell me some day. I only hope that I can handle it. “Well, what do you remember?” “Hold on,” she replied, stalling to get more time. I took it literally and grabbed her by the waist, making her laugh. “Never mind that. I wish we could do this every night.” “Why can’t we?” “I start work at the company Monday. Besides, I don’t think your kidneys or mine can take drinking every night.” “I really wish you wouldn’t worry about me all the time.” “I don’t want to loose you.” A grim expression came on her face as to say that some day she will leave me and I can’t do anything to stop it. I held her in my arms and kissed her head. A sign of my fear and my devotion to her. “I’ll never let go…” Emily dug her head into my chest. “I won’t either.” She almost fell asleep right away. I held, watching her in the tranquil state for a few hours. The innocence of her face and the contours of her lips were the very definition of beauty to me. I fell asleep with my arm still around her waist, spooned up against her. She was my last vision before I closed my eyes. I loved the thought of waking and seeing her. It was all the more reason to quickly fall asleep for.
Morning crept up from the trees into the window and on my face. Emily was still sleeping, under the blanket. I know she will have a hang over when she wakes up and come to me to take the pain away. That’s what I was to her: a doctor when she was sick, a shoulder to cry on when she was troubled, and a punching bag when she was angry. I took whatever she gave to me, consoling her the only way I can. A kiss on the forehead and an embrace was enough to make her feel better most of the time. Sometimes it’s something deeper that I can never understand or even begin to make her feel better about. She would tell me it’s fine but I know it isn’t. I can only wipe her tears and tell her how much I love her. We’ve both been through many bad relationships. I sure knew how to pick girlfriends. Being used and cheated made me cold about some things. I could never open up to another girl like with Emily. I’m too sensitive and insecure to trust anybody else with my heart, or what’s left of it at least. I couldn’t quiet pick up all the pieces from my last heartbreak. Leaning over to see Emily on her side I kissed her shoulder and rubbed her arm. I shouldn’t wake her just yet. She needs her beauty sleep. Even with three hours of sleep she would still look as vibrant and divine as always. It’s just that she would have a headache. So I went in the shower quickly to have time to make breakfast before she wakes up. I know she would need a nice cup of coffee. The kitchen was just feet away from the floor where Emily lay. I switched the pilot on in the stove and grabbed some eggs from the refrigerator. I never really liked eggs. Knowing that they are chicken embryos always ruined it for me; watching television will do that to a child. I remember a puppet on a comedy channel joking about eggs saying, “Every time you eat an egg it’s like eating a chicken’s baby. So next time you eat an egg, think about eating Baby.” Laughing and flipping the egg in the pan. Those damn cartoons will screw up a kid’s mind. That’s why I will not let my children watch TV. This is one family Barney will not corrupt! At that moment I hear the rustling of blankets. It could only be Emily, waking up, headache and all. Rubbing her head and crawling off the floor. She stood up and cocked her head back. I forgot the coffee! She gave me a look, very sinister, like she was expecting the coffee to be on the table or at least be brewing. “How are you feeling, Sleepy Head,” Leaning over the table to look in her eyes, “It’s nearly ten.” There was that sinister look in her eyes again. One that screamed I’ll-be-fine-once-I-get -some-caffeine. With that she leaned over and said, “Gimmie.” “I’m sorry, baby. I forgot to make coffee.” Sitting down and dropping her head on the table, Emily just mumbled, “Make some…” “I will. Wait a minute.” I never liked how she always depended on caffeine to make her feel better. It gave her energy needed, yes, but I just don’t like her addiction to it. She has an addictive personality. From the age of fifteen, drinking and smoking was her means of escape from the troubles of her youth. Teen angst hit her hard. I just wish I was there for her when she needed someone, anyone to care. To just listen to her. That’s what everyone needs: someone to open up to about their problems. Instead of turning to harmful vices, I wish I was there. I stopped myself right there. It was the thought. Not being there for her all the time. I know one day I wouldn’t. I could die one day, even today. She may not be able to continue on without me there to help her along the way. Past motherhood, becoming a grandmother and so forth. A thought like that chilled my spine and caused my muscles to spasm. I almost spilled the coffee. I managed to only spill a few drops. I looked into the cup as I poured the black liquid that was the coffee into it. My reflection stared back at me before I added cream, sugar and stirred the concoction of caffeine with a spoon. The image was still there, a reaffirming what I had just thought. I wouldn’t always be there, but I will do my best to. That’s really all I can do. The sun’s rays were distorted by the window glass as they shined through. The way they played off Emily’s face reminded me that she is my angel. She will always be. Sadly nothing this good is meant to last. Sipping my coffee as I handed her own cup. The snow was still falling softly outside. Spring will come in a few months, along with the birds, and a new beginning as well. Just me and Emily, enjoying every second of our time together as if it was our last.
So the moral of the story is: Life is short. Enjoy things while they last. Cherish the time you have with the people you love. They might suddenly be taken away from you. As the title says, nothing this good is meant to last.
Why is it that in America we lock our doors at night? It's this fear of criminals; paranoia that is fueled by the media. Do yourself a favor and stop watching the news. It's not as bad as the media shows. Crime is going down. White America has a fear of the black man that needs to disappear. I'm not saying to leave your doors wide open, just don't be so paranoid. Don't be so quick to judge a suspicious-looking person. Lets just all get along.
I just downloaded this awesome program called Streamsicle. I know it sounds nasty, but this program is freaking awesome! I recommend it for anybody that wants to stream audio from their computer. Mine is online now Check it out. Click here for more about Streamsicle.
"To an artifical mind, all reality is virtual. How do they know that the real world isn't just another simulation? How do you?" "Well, I know I'm not dreaming now because I know what it's like being in a dream." "So dreaming lets you know that reality exists." "No, that my mind exists. I don't know about the rest."
30 Odd Foot of Grunts Agent Orange Alien Ant Farm The Apples in Stereo The Bacon Brothers Banarama Blind Melon Bowling for Soup Bumblebeez 81 Butthole Surfers Buzzcocks Chumbawamba Circle Jerks Coheed and Cambria Deerhoof Goo Goo Dolls Hoobastank Jimmy Eat world KoRn Lacuna Coil Lollipop Lust Kill Meat Loaf The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Mudhoney Mushroomhead Oingo Boingo Papa Roach Pet Shop Boys Puddle Of Mudd Phish Pissing Razors The Polyphonic Spree (got to be the gayest band ever) Queens of the Stone Age The Rasmus Skid Row Sneaker Pimps Space Monkeys Space Hog Swingin' Utters Sum 41 They Might Be Giants Uncle Cracker The Von Bondies Ween Yeah Yeah Yeahs Yello Zebrahead Zwan ZZ Top
A fuel cell uses the chemical energy of hydrogen to produce electricity and water, cleanly and efficiently. Fuel cells are unique in terms of the variety of their potential applications; they can provide energy for systems as large as a utility power station and as small as a smoke detector.
Fuel cells have several benefits over conventional combustion-based technologies currently used in many power plants and passenger vehicles. They produce much smaller quantities of greenhouse gases and none of the air pollutants that create smog and cause health problems. If pure hydrogen is used as a fuel, fuel cells emit only heat and water as a byproduct.
How Does a Fuel Cell Work?
A fuel cell is a device that uses hydrogen (or hydrogen-rich fuel) and oxygen to create electricity by an electrochemical process. A single fuel cell consists of an electrolyte and two catalyst-coated electrodes (a porous anode and cathode). While there are different fuel cell types, all work on the same principle:
Hydrogen, or a hydrogen-rich fuel, is fed to the anode where a catalyst separates hydrogen's negatively charged electrons from positively charged ions (protons).
At the cathode, oxygen combines with electrons and, in some cases, with species such as protons or water, resulting in water or hydroxide ions, respectively.
The electrons from the anode side of the cell cannot pass through the electrolyte to the positively charged cathode; they must travel around it via an electrical circuit to reach the other side of the cell. This movement of electrons is an electrical current.
Today young men on acid realize that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all of one consciousness, sharing ourselves subjectively. There's no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we're an imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.
I died last night, not literally. I was talking to Kayleigh last night and she told me that she never loved me. That was the most depressed I've ever been. I went to sleep and woke up a new person, reborn. I feel the need to change now. I'm starting with my blog. Since nobody posts comments I'm assuming nobody gives a fuck about my life. So I'm gonna post random thoughts, maybe news or interesting facts. Whatever I feel like posting.
I got my permit today! YAY!:P Today was an overall good day. Kayleigh wasn't as mean (she actually was nice at lunch), I saw my therapist. He thinks I should just back off for a week at least. He said it'll be like an experiment so we'll see what happens.
I'm finally gonna get to take the driving test for my permit tomorrow. Yay! My mom had to go to the social security place and get them to fax a copy of my social security card to the DMV. Those assholes want 3 forms of ID. Like everybody has all that with them. Ok, so Kayleigh doesn't like me touching her. It's tearing me up inside but at least she talks to me. I'm gonna see my therapist Wednesday about this. Apparently I still need to work this out with him. Wish me luck for tomorrow...I was thinking about this earlier and I thought that I should carve the word "don't" in my arm so I can look at it whenver I start getting obsessive. What do you think? I've got nothing to do it with. Maybe that's a good thing. Anyway, I might post again later tonight. COMMENT.
I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time. It's just there's alot of shit going on right now. You might be wondering about the title. You see, I'm not feeling too good right now. Things with Kayleigh are quickly turning into shit and I don't know if I can handle this again. I was talking to Liz a few minutes ago and she told me to call my therapist. I think I'll do that. I need help before I do something. Perhaps I'll end up in an RTC til I'm 18, or even 21. I had fun my last stay. The only problem is I'll miss school and won't graduate. Bah. My mom is gonna try and cheer me up and get me out of the house. That'll make me happy, or just prolong my sarrow. Whatever. Here's a poem I wrote two days ago about all this.
Gauntlet
Test me, test me Everyday the same This gauntlet of frowns Leaving me grey Falling up and down Wearing and tearing a hole Exposing the hollow- Empty body I am Minus a soul-- Twisted and crying Widening the hole A vicious cycle Unbreakable So test me, test me Just like a hound I'll try to last One more day One more frown
I found this amazing free host called Post2Host. Yeah, you gotta join a forum and have at least 30 posts but it's a really good deal. All you webmasters out there listen up. You can get 100 MB of space and 1 gig of bandwidth, MySQL, PHP, NO ADS and a bunch of other features. That's just the beginning. You can upgrade to the max of 2 gigs space and 20 gigs bandwidth (I'm not sure of that) and no limit of extra features still free! It's a damn good deal for free. That's Post2Host Nevermind the offer I made in the last post. This IS my host now.
Ok. I'm being lazy today, like usual. I'm still in my boxers and I've just been online looking for a program to edit the tags on my music files before I upload them to my site. Yeesh, all these bastards want me to pay for the programs. Where's all the freeware?! Anyway, I'm close to getting a host. I have my domain name musicelement.com. I have the content. I just need to find a host. If you know a good free host that offers at least 500 MB of space, 5 gigs of bandwidth, supports PHP, FTP, MySQL and lets me upload my audio files then leave a comment. Oh yeah, I already tried HostUltra. I they won't even let me signup. Just for an incentive, 50 tbucks for anybody that gives me a good host.
I'm back and I got pics! I'll post them later. I had some fun with my cousins playing Gamecube. I kick ass at Turok and Mario Cart. Anyway, we had my brother's party down there and I drank plenty of coke and ate some cake. Good times. I got something for you guys. I actually wrote a poem! My first one in months. I wrote it in like 5 min.
Picture Perfect
Image of you Beauty in a thin cage Ink on paper So much like that moment From which I kissed you so
Let me feel your lips My sleeping beauty Awake from your nightmare Suffer no more Wish I were there To kiss you once more And show you I care
Your photograph burns Embers of faded ink Nevermind the smoke I need not the paper I'll soon lay with you Leave my weakness on the floor And worry nomore
This is a real problem in elementary and middle schools in America. You may think it's just some harmless fun among children, but I'm living proof that bullying can lead to development of narcissism. I've been bullied alot in middle school and I believe it's the reason I have a narcissistic trait of worrying too much about what people think of me and being overly sensitive - taking every insult personally. My therapist can't think of anything else that could have caused my narcissism so I think this is why. Maybe you can help me understand why bullies do this in the first place. Is it out of a need to feel superior over another person? To fit in because it's the cool thing? Or maybe it's that it's in our nature to be violent. I have these memories of being hit and bruised and I can't help but get angry. They may not have known how damaging it was to me but I still wish that each of them get gutted in their sleep. I almost killed myself because of my inability to make myself happy and low self esteem. FUCK!!!! I hate what they've done to me. I'm scarred for life because of what they did to me. Now I'm on medication and have to see a therapist. This is just me. There's no telling how many other kids are scarred by bullies around the country. I ask that anybody who reads this, whether you bullied someone in the past or are a bully now, to think about what you did to the people that you hurt. What it did to them. Appologize if you can but it won't undo the damage you've caused. Therapy and medication can help it, but may not take it away. I urge you to, if you have kids or plan on having some, to tell them not to bully other kids. I don't want anybody else to go through what I had to endure in middle school. It's inhumane and traumatic for the kids that have to take the abuse everyday.
I gotta go to summer school tomorrow cuz I failed geometry BY 1 POINT!! :evil: This sucks. It's from 8 to 12 for 2 weeks. On the good side, my friend Warren will be there. He's cool. I got nothing else to say. More later, I guess.
I don't listen to rap, in fact, most irritates me. The problem with rap and hip hop is that it's too commercialized nowadays. Have you ever watched a rap video and muted it and looked at the lyrics? They're simple and often rhyme the same words or just say the same word over and over again a la Lil Jon. It annoys the hell out of me. They sing (I wouldn't call it that) about the same things. Every rap/hip hop song falls into one of these categories: cars/vehicles, jewelry, clothes/apperal, parties, money and sex/women/whores. Some songs have nasty and graphic lyrics and it's amazing they are on the radio! Look at these lyrics from a Ying Yang Twins song:
Georgia Dome
Shawty so crunk she comin out of her clothes. Dick so big got caught in her thoat. Do it hurt? (yeah) do it hurt? (hell yeah) One nut, two nut that's what you get When you let a nigga lick that clit Do you like it? (yeah) Wanna nigga to bit it? (hell yeah) From the ceiling To the flo That hoe don't want no more That bitch better have my doe Suck it [repeat over]
Niggas, I'ma tell yea you can't trust a bitch far as you can smell em' you better lick that stamp and mail em' Back over there to the other fella I care less (like i 'pose too) always gotta stay fresh (like i 'pose too) Don't talerate that stress (like i 'pose too) I'll punch a bitch in the breast (in the chest) I caught up with this ho she sucked my dick behind the store and I skeeted all in her thoat Then a nigga had to go I had to roll. The I'm looking for a nother headhunter Georgia Dome Put your lips on the dick give me georgia dome I love pussy Pussy good but it always bleed when it's time of the month cause bitches so thick.
[chorus]
Fuck nigga that's enough said. See a bitch is only good for a duck head. (quacka) Low self-esteem nigga can't out mack her Bring her to the world of a low down nigga She the bomb You gotta past a ho round nigga Here she come And all boxers fall shawty gon play them balls Bitch please I'm hotter than 400 degrees The only time you use your mouth is when you get on your kness. So don't speak you shouldn't be saying nothing at all Cause it's hard to talk with a mouth full of dick and balls So put it in your mouth and blow Put it deep down in your thoat Niggas like me don't wanna hear that shit so do what the fuck you been told
[chorus]
I smoke by myself I drank by myself I fuck these hoes by my got damn self You smoke by yourself You drank by yourself You fuck these niggas by your got damn self I said forget about them women who love to get ate out. If you eat from red losters she'll suck your thang off Now that's a full chorse meal for a nigga like me I'ma starve cause I ain't gon eat Now i don't eat nothing that get up and walk away Somebody I look at face to face I say ill that's nasty Nigga if you wanna eat it you can have it.
OMG, that's an abomination to music and a slap in the face to all the real musicians that play and write their own music and many never get signed. This is why I hate the fact that rap is popular with urban society. Dammit. :evil: If you want real music I can recommend some A Perfect Circle cuz they kick ass and write poetic lyrics. Ok, now I'm ranting. :x Leave comments.
I've got something to share about these so called pay-to sites. I've joined a few of these sites to promote my website and I gotta say that it's not easy to make $ on these sites. You gotta log on everyday and click, and click, and click and only get a few cents for it or even just credits that are worth a fraction of a cent. I thought it was a way to make an easy income since I can't get a job. Don't get suckered into this business. Only join one of these sites if you're willing to work 5 or more hours a day for cents. There is a way to earn some cash if you know how to create a downline. If you don't know what a downline is don't worry about it. Pay-to sites suck. Leave comments.
